Motivational Monday: Saying “I Don’t Know” Does Not Mean You Are Not Confident.

I was once screamed at for telling someone that I didn’t know something. They yelled, “Stop saying, I don’t know!” Having people in my life who’d yell at me when I didn’t know something made me feel bad about myself. I internalized their words by taking it out on myself and not ask for help.

That all changed when I had someone tell me that they say they don’t know something but can always find the answer. This made me realize that it IS OKAY to admit when you don’t know something. Asking people for help is good. You won’t know how to do everything in life, especially when starting something new, whether it is with work, cooking, working out, etc., you will spend your entire life learning. I’ve realized I’m attracted to people who are smart and the people who’ll tell me when they don’t know something but can find out the answer by asking the right people or researching the answers. I always feel better when I have people, I can rely on to ask questions or talk myself through the answer with someone else. You might even be the person someone reaches out to when they don’t know the answer, so be patient with them and help them learn.

Sometimes people get into a habit of telling others to do things but not explaining how. I’ve realized it is everyone’s job in life to speak up when they do not know something. It does not mean you are not smart, stupid or have no confidence. To be a confident person, you must ask questions. If people put you down for that, that is on them and not you. I’ve learned to ask how to do things then take notes to remember. If you don’t do the same things every day, chances are you won’t always remember them. I can barely remember what I did an hour after I’ve done it, ha.

I hope what you’ll take away from this is to ask questions, be the person someone else can talk to, always say thank you when someone helps you answer your question and remember: saying you don’t know does not mean you are not confident, it means you are being honest. Confidence comes when you let your walls down, admit what you don’t know but that you can always find the answer ❤
Happy Monday, Loves!

Motivational Monday – Self-Reflections

There are many types of self-reflections that work for people such as journaling and gratitude lists. One night I realized that I haven’t made the commitment to doing these, so instead I thought I’d do some mental self-reflections of how my day went. Reflecting on the day from start to finish. Being proud of the things I accomplished throughout the day or check off my to-do list. Recognizing what I could have done better to accomplish more or change my mood around certain things in my life.

When self-reflecting at the end of the day, this will help shed light on where your mood shifted throughout the day and when you build upon it to change for tomorrow, you’ll know better how to deal with that situation. Mindset and mood go hand in hand, so if you have a positive mindset your mood will reflect this. Although I will admit that not every day can be the best day ever because things will happen, but I’ll bet at the end of the night you can find one good thing about the day.

In what ways do you self-reflect?

Motivational Monday: Setting Expectations For Yourself Vs. Others

I’ve recently realized how much I say yes to others for fear of letting them down. I am set a bar for their expectations and am told not to let them down and not to let someone else rise above me. Because they expect me to do better than them from the results I’ve showed in the past.

So, why do I sometimes let myself down? I find that I am not always setting the bar for myself with personal goals. I let things go unfinished, don’t follow up, leave things hanging for a week or more until I get to it again, I’ll think of ideas but not write them down. This is the complete opposite of how I act with others, but why? Why am I giving myself permission to be one way to others and another way to myself? Why don’t I put myself and my goals on a pedestal the way others do for me? I should. We all should because our dreams and ideas matter. What we do for others matters just as much as what we can and should do for ourselves.

Let yourself be seen the way others see you. The way you should show yourself to them in your best light is how you need to show up for yourself. My cousin gave me great advice to set deadlines for myself once I think of an idea. This makes sense as I always set them to get things done for others. Besides a lot of the time, if I don’t do something for myself the first time around, it will manifest in my mind until I release it.

So, will you begin setting the same expectations for yourself as you do for others? I hope so. ❤

Motivational Monday: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It. Be Yourself And You’ll Make It.

In the first half of my career I heard the saying, Fake It Till You Make It, and because of this I HATE this saying. Let’s be honest does anyone REALLY enjoy being fake? No. If you don’t know how to do something, learn, research, ask, do anything BUT pretend you know what you’re doing. If you don’t know how to do something just admit it (I had no idea what I was doing when I started this blog, but I learned and never pretended I knew).

While growing up I was a huge victim of not asking people for help. I never told myself I would “fake it” I was just either too stubborn or embarrassed to ask for help. In my current position I get thrown into a LOT of situations where I have to learn how to do things from the ground up. So now, reframing from my old self I will ask every. single. question that comes to my mind because I realize I need to learn and grow. I’ve sometimes been on the phone with people for hours learning until it makes sense to me. And I can’t thank those people enough for helping me ❤ So I guess you can say I’ve grown out of my stubbornness.

In the world we live in it can be hard to stand out so sometimes people tend to follow what others are doing-they are being fake to themselves because they think what the other people are doing is best and it’s what’s working for them so why not follow them instead of being yourself. DON’T DO THIS. The WORST thing you can do for yourself is to NOT be yourself. YOU have a talent that you are supposed to share with the world, so SHARE IT. No one has the gift you do, whether that is teaching, writing, designing, coaching, cooking, etc. No one else is you. People like certain people because they are being themselves-genuine, real and vulnerable.

Having confidence in yourself and being fake are two completely different things. Confident people don’t have to “fake” something instead they’ll ask for help. Eventually being fake will grow old. If you’re following what everyone else is doing and they all decide to do something you don’t like, will you continue to be like them? Or will you have the courage to stand on your own and be yourself?

I hope if you are reading this message and can recognize that you aren’t being yourself, that you will show people who you are with your own special gift and break free from being fake. No more Fake It Till You Make It. Be Yourself and You’ll Make It. Happy Monday! ❤

Motivational Monday: Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are the lies we hear and tell ourselves, but it is up to us to not to listen to them. There are limiting beliefs in the world that you can only do so much. Sometimes people will tell you what’s best for you because that’s all they know. However, if you decide to expand your mind, learn new things and trust yourself, you’ll know there are no limits to what you can do. On the other hand, the limits we tell ourselves are true are there because of what we say to ourselves- “I can’t do…insert activity here.” For a long time, I told myself I couldn’t hold a plank for 90 seconds while working out. Why? Because it was hard. I limited myself. Why? Because it was easier than dealing with the pain that comes with working out. Yet, I continued to go to class four times a week, and you know what? I CAN hold a plank. I changed my mindset around the belief that I couldn’t do something to telling myself I can. And I have strong teachers who push me to do my best during class. To be honest, I don’t want to disappoint them much less myself. All of this has helped me realize, you motivate yourself first then you need to be around the people who motivate you.

In the newest thirty second Nike Ad, a women age 81 was told she was crazy for running a marathon. But guess what? She did it anyway. Why? Because she believed in herself even when no one else did. The point is you don’t have to believe everything everyone tells you. Her mantra in life is Why Not and her thoughts to those people who told her she was crazy is, “But that’s the great thing about being old. I can just pretend not to hear them.” I hope at 81 I can still be as active as her and still pretend not to hear any limiting beliefs put on by myself or others.

What you need to do to gain confidence, is push their words out of your mind. Instead of telling yourself what THEY say, tell yourself what YOU say. YOU’RE the only one who knows what you’re capable of. Once you begin to show everyone around you how confident you are and that you can do whatever it is they are saying you can’t or shouldn’t, they’ll change their minds. Put positive words and mantras in your mind and the limiting beliefs you have within yourself will start to fade.

**Remember: Time will always be there, you just have to decide when you’re going to believe in yourself, even at age 81.

What are some limiting beliefs you’ve told yourself or that you’ve heard from others?

Motivational Monday: I believe… I know…

I believe in wearing white after Labor Day.

I know being the best version of yourself means you’re happy.

I believe to be happy you must spend time with yourself to learn what you enjoy and listen to what you want and don’t want anymore.

I know it’s important to take yourself on vacation and treat yourself with good food, shopping and hotel. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

I believe you should always continue to learn, it’s how you’ll become successful. I also believe in mentors-I’d never be as successful as I am without them.

I know that changing yourself is always best.

I know you learn the most about yourself when you’re alone and try new things.

I believe when given a challenge you must take it and not complain, there’s a reason the person giving you the challenge believes you can do it, it’s because they believe in you.

I know that if you are tired of being the person you used to be that you’ll find a way to change yourself. Unhappiness gets old. And when you tell yourself you don’t want to be sad anymore, you’ll do what you can to change.

I believe you need to do what’s best for you.

I know confidence comes with a combination of standing up for yourself and finding the right people to guide you.

I know spending time with loved one’s is one of the most important things in this world because you don’t know when anyone’s time is done.

I believe that death can give you a push to make you realize your dreams. It reminds you how very little time we all have here.

What are some things you believe and know in life? Please share them with me in the comments below or on social media, at @stylestomakeyousmile

Motivational Monday: The Story of Your Life

The other day I realized that everything and everyone has a story. Every dance you watch is telling a story, a book you read tells a story, every song you hear and out of all of those comes from a person who has lived their story and is able to share it.

Sometimes the reason that people can be so successful is because of the story that they have to share with the world. Being relatable to other’s can help people in so many ways. When it comes to my blog I have always told myself that if I can help at least one person with my content then I’m happy. My content is just a story of the world I live in. The way I see and have seen the world in just a short 31 years. I believe that because everyone has such a different view on the world, you should share what you’ve learned with others and be honest about it. By realizing the value in the story, sharing it can open many doors for you.

I believe that in life people just want to be heard, respected and loved. No one wants to be judged but by putting their story out into the world, but you will be. But by doing so you can connect on an emotional level with so many people. So, don’t be afraid to put yourself out their and share what you’ve learned because you don’t know who you’ll help in the process of sharing your story.

Motivational Monday: Struggle Vs. Success

In a world that is comparison overload between social media and everyone judging each other on how people live, we sometimes only focus on other’s success. What we forget to see is the struggle of how the person got their success. Most success isn’t an overnight thing, people work hard to find success in their life-whether it is with their business, relationship, fitness goals or mental health.

A lot of times we only see the best versions of someone’s life and forget that maybe that person who is currently successful may have struggled. Sometimes people choose to share their struggle and when they do it can make them feel relatable, like maybe you’ve gone through a similar situation. And if they decide to share their life it can make other’s judge them less…hopefully.

So, why do we judge people so hard when they’ve found success? Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe instead we should see their success is coming from a place of hard work and empowerment. Maybe their success is something they’ve been wanting for themselves for YEARS and couldn’t achieve it until now because they were going through a struggle you know nothing about. You truly don’t know anyone until you’ve seen them behind closed doors. If someone shares their struggle with you and you help them then you are adding to their success, maybe without even realizing it.

Be happy for the one’s who’ve found their success and lift up the one’s who are struggling.

Motivational Monday: Show Up For Yourself

This week I had a very busy week-you know the kind, where the days all blend together and by Friday you don’t even realize it’s Friday, until you’re told so and remember you’ll will have the next two days off and know that the work week is over. You mean next week DOES exist? Yes, it does. This means that the work week will always come to end. Anything you’re dealing with during the week, you can take a two-day break from, you just have to mentally show up for yourself to tell yourself that you deserve a break.

So, here’s what I did this weekend to show up: I worked out, I bought myself a new book called Work Party by Jaclyn Johnson and I read the first four chapters while dressed in a t-shirt, comfy capris, next to an open window with the breeze coming through and listened to life going by outside, I caught up with my friends and family, I planned my entire month of September in my planner-I’d be lost without a planner, I made plans with people I love and let go of the week.

Showing up for yourself mentally just means that you need to allow yourself to work through your emotional and mental process of how your week went and then turning it around by allowing yourself to be okay. Anything that you are dealing with will always end if you let it. If you drag it on in your mind, it will haunt you all weekend, so to move past it, you need to give yourself permission to think about what happened for a certain time then for the rest of the day/weekend tell yourself to move on.

There will always be hard times in life and times when things can be brought up from the past, but it’s how we deal with those times in the present to show up for ourselves that matter the most ❤

Say YES to Treating Yourself

Self-love is one of the best feelings in the world. Why? Because it means you’re making time for yourself. What you put out into the world matters, so if you are feeling like you need some alone time to rejuvenate yourself, you should. Your gut will always tell you when you need a break. I think we’ve all been there, when we’re so stressed out and frustrated with everything going on around us that we just need time away to focus and bring positivity back. When we treat ourselves, it means that we can be our best selves to everyone in our lives.

Some of the ways I’ve said yes to myself this year are: scheduling a weekly workout routine, planning dinners, fueling the body with the food it needs to function properly (I’ve done this by trial and error and I always know when my body is needing something different), sleeping on a normal schedule, waking up early and blogging before going into work, communicating with likeminded women online and taking myself on vacation.

Have you tried any of these as self-care? Have they worked for you?

Say YES to yourself every single day, whether that is by doing one of the things listed above or reading a book or laying in a bath while listening to a podcast or taking a walk. When we take time to drown out what everyone around us is doing and listen to ourselves, you will be able to hear yourself speak about the things you REALLY want to pursue. Once you begin to hear yourself think, GO DO IT. I promise you won’t regret it. Once you unleash your ideas your mind will be focused on how you can create what’s been in your mind all along.

Happy Monday! ❤